i haven't figured it out yet. I figured I had but.. it seems that it may only be pretend just like all of the other times I tried. It's this discontented feeling that haunts me.
I cried alone in the shower.
damon heard me, and told me that the only reason i would be crying alone was if i felt alone, and he wanted me to know i wasn't.
We tripped today 2 tabs, on a day like this..freedom is nice.., but today did notgo how i planned, nor how i would have liked it to turn out after my plans had already fallen through.-after nearly 6 hours of boys on sofas.. we made it to the beach in time for the sunset.
now, were back home--because apparently there is more weed to be smoked.
i'm bored.
this is not right,
this is not exciting..
and he copes diffrently then I would like too..
my perfect escape today, would have included nothing but us, and the outdoors.
However, As always, I cope. And it's fine--and I worry most about making sure I don't do anything that might rock the boat. I try my hardest to be that chill..and sometimes I feel like that's what makes me the most insane. When I'm crying to Damon it's usually out of some sort of frustration with how time should be spent. That seems wrong. I need to find my own comfortable space.
I need to become, independant.
I need to learn more.
and I need to grow more.
and i feel like it needs to start sooner then later.
Tommorow, I should make my dreamcatcher.
9:38 p.m. - 2010-05-20
Recent entries:
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